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Predictions for the future:

Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 5:42 pm
by jeffvan1
Year 2029:

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. The seven remaining White minorities petition the court to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be importedlegally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

The average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine

*******short the S&P 9000 and go long in the jamacian market:

(note: not my work. I plagerized this)

predictions

Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 8:34 am
by Didaster
Strange as it seems I can actually see some of these predictions becoming reality "or at least something similar in nature"...

Maybe not in 2029 but perhaps even sooner :shock:

RE: Predictions for the future

Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:32 pm
by GeorgeBush
Its hard to believe this is the path we're setting for ourselves. We are so screwed :evil:

left out

Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 1:44 pm
by countcyber
Officials in New York City threaten to sue the federal government for failure to appropriate more funds to raise the seawall dikes to keep up with the rising ocean level.

Lunar Independence Party demands representation at talks among the Chinese, Indian and US delegates convening to draft a shared governance agreement.

Scientists at the US-CERN Larger Hadron Collider site report the cold fusion reactor has passed 1000 hours of operation with no evidence of problems to date. They are cautiously optimistic the gravity wave concentrator will be the key to widespread use of the new energy source.

Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 10:24 pm
by RangerDave
Thanx for the laughing ya'll!

More Predictions

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 11:18 am
by Floss Boss
-Global Temperature continues to decline(over 6 degrees in the last decade) NASA points towards
irregular solar activity and possible alteration the earths revolution around the sun by nearby passing asteroids.
-98 year old Al Gore claims the climate alteration is due to Hydrogen emissions from the Non depleting O-zone conserving Personal conveyances (know as NOPEC). Gore is awarded a second Nobel prize and a bungalo in Acapulco, Mexifornia where the summer temps climb into the uppers 60's.
-Michael Phelps, sporting Dreadlocks, becomes the AARP member to win an Intergalactic Gold medal for the 400 IM.
Retires from swimming and moves the Jamaica.
-Ancient Mayan calendar discovered explaining how the interaction of the earth with the near miss objects can alter the orbit and effect the change in climate. Cites 1 specifice comet whose orbit has been creating Oh $H!T moments for 3.75 Billion years. Dismissed as the rantings of tripe by Global Optimization of Resources & Energy.
-Time Travel created... Rumor has it inventor disapeared with invention to the 1950's.
-Alzheimers cure found. Study centering on Hugh Heffner determines that vigorus sex with 20 somethings prevents the disease from developing but the side effects of treatment leaves bank account empty.

Year 2035:

Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 3:21 pm
by jeffvan1
Fed Gov't is majority shareholder of Fed-Ex after bailing company out. Renames the company U.S. Post Office in honor of the now defunct postal service.

IRS streamlines operation by creating a single tax form titled SuperEZ-40.

Line 1: __________________ enter your yearly adjusted net income after federal tax witholding.

Line 2: ___________________ enter amount from line 1.

instructions: send a check to the IRS for the amount listed in line 2.

Also

Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 4:38 pm
by jeffvan1
The U.S. Treasury announced it will default on payment of two hundred eighty-seven trillion dollars of 30 year treasury notes reaching maturity. The Federal Reserve, sole recipient of the notes, absolved the Treasury of its financial obligation and the U.S. debt was zeroed out. U.S. Treasurer "Tiny" Tim Geithner, the clone love-child of Geithner - Bernake, immediately set up a monthly auction for $5000.00 worth of thirty year treasury notes. The Federal Reserve was the only auction participant. The Dow-Jung responded by climbing .00034564456 pts in session trading and setting a five year high, closing at 2.004576376445.

The President declared a Federal Holiday in celebration of the nation's debt free status. All 15 federal employees took the day off. The private sector continued to work their 28 hour work-day.

In related news the Supreme Court determined the phrase, "Forgive us our debt, as we forgive out debtors" took on an entirely new meaning and reinstated prayer in public schools. Justice Kayne West cautioned that; "So that it be given economic status rather than spiritual guidance, school prayer must limited to reciting: Forgive us our debt, as we forgive our debtors, and lead us not into inflation but deliver us from deleveraging. Ahhhhh-Bama." All thirty-five children attending public school followed the Supreme Court directive. The court has not decided if the 12 million children in 28 hour work-day jobs will be allowed to pray.